Different Kinds of Groups for Mentoring

In Titus 2:2-3, Paul is exhorting Titus to "teach older men to be self-controlled, serious {sober-minded}, wise, strong in faith, in love, and in patience.  In the same way, teach older women to be holy in their behavior, not speaking against others or enslaved to too much wine, but teaching what is good."

Whoever is in a leadership position should be one who is mature in their relationship with God.  Mentoring is not passing on head-knowledge, but heart-revelation, and understanding.  Whatever one teaches should come from what they have walked out/walked through in their life.  Otherwise, all one can pass on to another is "theory."

Paul goes on to say in verses 4-6, "Then they can teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be wise, and pure, to be good workers at home, to be kind, and to yield to their husbands.  Then no one will be able to criticize the teaching God gave us. 

"In the same way, encourage young men to be wise.  In every way be an example of doing good deeds.  When you teach, do it with honesty, and seriousness..."

It is so important that people learn to get the written word into their heart so that what has been written combines with the Living Word within the Believer for revelation.  Mentoring is a great way to help people see "faith in action."  People can see by demonstration just what "Grace" working in and through someone looks like.  Hand's-on experiences really help bring the written Word to Life.

Here are some ideas for formulating some more kinds of groups for training/mentoring/discipling purposes:


MEN'S GROUP:
A group of men can meet on Saturday morning, for example, for a "Men's Breakfast."  Is there someone that likes to cook "mens' breakfast food" in your group?  If not, breakfast items can be purchased.  Just do what works for the men you are considering meeting with.  As you eat, you could work through a Bible study, or talk about life issues that relate to the men in the group.  From questions, the leader can guide them through Grace Truths that are applicable for helping the men grow, and implement the truth into their life situations.  Of course praying together for each other is always a great idea.
  

Dates and times would need to fit the schedules of the men in the group.  Please, do not let this feel intimidating.  You can start with one male friend.  The two of you can meet regularly.  Find what works for the two of you and then just do it.  Over time, more men---even one at a time can be added.  Mentoring groups should stay small in number. No one can  mentor a large group of people.  If it grows, then look for one in your group who has been steadily growing.  With prayer, and direction from God, begin to equip your group for multiplication and then multiply allowing one you've trained to lead the other group. You may want to participate in his group for a time, then begin transitioning out of that group, allowing your 'student' to take the lead.  Multiplication into more groups rather than maintaining one group and becoming larger is the goal of mentoring relationships.  This releases more people into their purpose that God desires for them.

FATHER-SON GROUP

This is a great way to connect older men with the younger. Mike and I believe there is a strong need for Fathers and sons to be strengthened and encouraged.  The older men need to reach out to the younger.  Seldom will a younger one reach out to an older man.  Sons can be any age.  Young men need positive, solid, consistent role models.  So many men have had to "wing" it.  Praise God He trains anyone with a willing heart.  But, think how much more quickly the training can be done when there is a supportive group of people to help you grow, and avoid some of the mistakes that were made by the older men.


What about a "son" who has no father in the picture?  The beautiful thing about groups is that the make up is going to come from our own relationships.  If you know a young man who has no dad in his life or not one that is encouraging,  you can "adopt" him as your son.  I don't mean this literally.  At this type of group, you can be this young man's "dad."  You can influence him through a positive environment.  He needs to see positive men especially since he's experiencing a lack in this area.  With parental permission, when applicable, you can do this for another young man whose dad may be a great dad, but isn't open to spiritual things.  As long as he's okay with his son attending a group like this, bring him along and be his dad during your group time. 

Teaching the younger men some practical skills for their life is another way to train/disciple the younger.  Men tend to like to do things together.  Working on projects together is a great way to teach Kingdom Truths.  Jesus did this many, many times.  All kinds of possibilities abound.  


WOMEN'S  GROUP

The same approach as what I mentioned regarding the men's group would apply.  Find  the time and place that will work for the woman/women you have in mind, then meet.  The group is a vehicle for providing an opportunity for people to come together to learn, and grow.  Experiencing God at work in their life and having the help of a leader to show them what's going on is so valuable and encouraging.  Experiencing love and encouragement from this small community of women, can help them begin to grasp just how loved and valued they are by God.  If you  have a desire to reach out to even one other woman, then seek God, and He will show you the way.  


If this is a new idea/experience for you, then you can just start with one lady.  Meet with someone you already know.  As you grow in doing this, then more can be invited.  Again, it's not the size that is important.  The focus is on the individuals that make up the group.  Large sized groups are not good for discipleship purposes. .


MOTHER-DAUGHTER GROUP


What I mentioned under the section  for the "Fathers and Sons" is still true for this category.  This is a great opportunity to teach some skills to the younger girls/ young women.  Through teaching necessary life skills, much about their relationship with God can be taught at the same time.  Ideas truly are endless.  Seek God.  Discover His plan and then move forward in it.  


WORKPLACE GROUP

Just as the name implies, this group meets with one or more fellow employees.  Meeting places could be in the break room, a restaurant, coffee shop, for a few examples.  The time could be before or after work, at lunchtime.  It's going to be when it works for all who want to be involved.  You could work through bible studies, or make it more lifestyle as in praying together and sharing Truth that pertains to what the other person(s) in the group may be dealing with in their personal lives.  Listening to the heart of people and discerning their need is important with any type of ministry.  If the Truth doesn't have application to people's lives the information will stay information, and will have the tendency to be quickly forgotten.

My purpose is to stir up ideas to help you see who is in your world, already, and needs to know Who and what you know so they can grow and live abundantly in their earthlife experience.

I encourage you not to view this as a "small" ministry.  Home group/small group ministry is dynamic, and full of power. People are impacted for lasting change by the fact that it can be more personally tailored and suited for all of the participants.  Small group focus is in equipping people to be sent out and birth another small group. Multiplication spreads the Gospel faster and with less effort on the part of each leader.

Including and Involving Children in Your Home Group Meetings

Here are some things we did when our children were small, and some other ideas:

• Our children would rotate taking turns answering the door.  For new guests, the greeter's task was to show them around the house:  the location of restrooms, the kitchen area for drinks, etc.

• Our children would pass out napkins and serve cool drinks to our guests as was age-appropriate.They would "go and get" towels, or any other items that might be necessary from time-to-time.  These kinds of things were adapted, and the tasks increased as they got older.  

• I put together a "Quiet Time" tote bag for each of our children, when they were toddler through grade 3, approximately. The items were selected, and tailored to fit their ages as they grew up. They were only allowed to have it and play with the contents at home group meetings.  During the week the bags  were put away, so the items stayed "new" to them.

I made sure all of the items were non-messy and age-appropriate.  Each child had his or her own bag.  Inside were  washable crayons, color pencils, blank paper (as my children were not fond of coloring books), books,  blocks....whatever was not squeaky, or loud. 

• Our children who were older would be a type of  Mommy's helper with younger children.  They would clean up, or get items for a new Mommy for example, or for a younger child.

• During the meeting time, all of the children in attendance would sit on the floor with their quiet time items, and quietly color, read, listen and so on.  Neither my husband, Mike, nor I would allow them to disturb others.  We simply would pick up the child, or walk with them to another room and deal with whatever was necessary as it came up.  Each family oversaw the needs of their own children.  I realize there is 'work' involved, but when our children become trained, you, in essence, work yourself out of a job.

• Sometimes, if the children were being "stretched" by longer meetings for any of a variety of reasons, we "moms" would rotate and take all of the kids into an appropriate back room.  The "mom-in-charge"  or  "dad-in-charge" would supervise the kids while they did something a little more physically active, but appropriate for the space.

• For children who are around 4 and up:  they could be trained to pray for another one of the children.  If desired, the mom or dad-in-charge, could prepare a short applicable Bible truth that they can apply to the children's lives.  Teaching them about how much God loves them, their families, and friends.  The ideas truly are endless.  Children are good with supplying ideas.  

• On nice weather days the children can go outside with supervision, and play games

• Keep in mind, children have short attention spans.  Also, keep in mind, that not all topics are appropriate for little ears.  Some people in the group may be needing to talk through some personal issues or concerns, need some counsel, encouragement, or prayer.  Having a plan ahead-of-time is helpful .

• When adults rotate overseeing children when appropriate, then no one will feel "burned out."  If enough people take turns, each one may only be having a turn once every couple of months or so.  This can be viewed as an opportunity to get to know the individual children.  Each person (or couple, or two women, or a responsible, mature teen-ager) "in charge" can pray and model that for the children, allowing them to pray for each other.  It can be a great opportunity to train children to care about their friends and pray for their friends' needs, or hurts.  Letting them experience the power of God moving in their lives at young ages is awesome.

• From time to time, changing things up is good for everyone.  Home groups are a great way to disciple people.  Discipling involves learning what the written Word of God teaches, and more.  The "more" comes by way of the student seeing how the Word works in people's day-to-day lives.  Getting the Word off of the page, and connecting it with the Word Who lives in them is power for day-to-day "Life" flowing in being led by the Spirit.  As they say, "more is caught than taught."    

Planning day trips or outdoor activities helps foster relationship building.  Opportunities to see the Life of Christ lived out in and through "ordinary" activities abound.  Jesus taught the Word, and His disciples saw Him "do" the Word.  They learned much through what they saw and heard Him do as he loved and extended life to all He came in contact with.

This is not an exhaustive list. These are just some ideas to help you get started. 

Mentoring Families

In a recent conversation with my daughters I asked them what  particularly stood out to them as they thought  back though their years of  being involved in home groups.  I believe their first response was how much they respected, appreciated, and valued the "older" people (my peers) who took the time to reach out to them, and consider their thoughts about anything.  They loved being talked to as people rather than as children.  That the listener really connected with their heart as the girls shared their thoughts and ideas was of utmost importance to them, and has made a major impact on them to this day. Those memories still serve as a type of reference-point as they now seek to make heart-connections with others of various ages.

Multi-generational home groups are something about which I'm particularly passionate.  I believe each person can learn much and value something from each generation. It's become more the norm for people to segregate into age groups.  Relating to people outside of of our own age groups seems to be something that is becoming a lost art. Perhaps through having a variety of ages of people meeting together, we can bridge the generations, encourage working together, as well as valuing the strengths that each age group brings.  For the purpose of clarity, I am not saying that people should never meet together with 'their own' ages. These types of relationships tend to form more naturally.  My intent rather is to share another viable option for consideration. 

A multi-generational home group closely mirrors a family in its make up and its closeness. The older members help train the younger, and those who are younger can learn to respect and value the knowledge and wisdom that older people have gleaned simply by the fact that they have lived longer.
Leviticus 19:32, "Show respect to old people;  stand up in their presence."
Prov. 16:31, "Gray hair is like a crown of honor;  it is earned by living a good life."

There are many things we can learn from those who have gone through some of the same situations we may be facing.  Knowing that they made it through is quite encouraging, and they can teach us how.  As they share some of their mistakes those who are younger have the opportunity of learning and being enabled to make fewer of their own.

Children need good, solid, and strong mentors/teachers which a home group with a variety of ages could provide. It is wise to seek God's leading when considering who teaches them spiritual truths, or in selecting who is going to 'watch over them' in any particular setting that is chosen.  Children have value and  worth.   
Psalm 127:3, "Children are an inheritance of the Lord.."

God has plans, purpose, and destiny for our children.
Psalm 139:13,15-16, "You made my whole being;  you formed me in my mother's body.  You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's body.  When I was put there, You saw my body as it was formed.  All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.



Jeremiah 29:11, "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope (confidence) and a good future."

Children bring a level of excitement, enthusiasm, and energy into the group.  They can help things not become stagnant.  In all, I believe multi-generational groups offer a sense of wholeness.  Each person will have many  opportunities to learn to set aside personal preferences b/c children are unpredictable, and spontaneous. And, there will be various needs that come up requiring a shift in focus. Flexibility is a great strength when it comes to home group ministry.

Jesus became upset with people who were discouraging the children from coming to Him, and said this, 
"Permit the children to come to Me;  do not hinder them;  for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I say to you, 'whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."

Unbelief is much more minimal in children unless they've had some unhealthy circumstances with which to deal. They believe what they are told.  Even if they've been abused, their tendency is still to believe what they hear. They simply believe and expect that it is, or will be according to what they were told.  This is something very precious. God is more able to be free to work through their lack of unbelief.  They can truly teach by example.

Acts 2:17, "And your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams." 
This verse is talking about the lack of maturity in the young versus the older.  And, about the different purposes for the age groups.

Younger men are busy.  In Biblical times, they were the ones who went OUT to do battle.  They need quick, to-the-point instruction.  A vision is not about being awake or asleep, but it's about the 'clarity of the message' in that very little interpretation, if any is needed.  It simply 'is what it is."  People who are young in their faith do not have enough knowledge of the Word of God for in-depth metaphorical understanding...

Older men are symbolic of those who have done their time in the trenches.  They are retired...they have more time to meditate, study, inquire of the Lord and allow Him to reveal Truth in layers. This is the nature of dreams.  They are more metaphoric.  They use biblical language to paint pictures that require understanding of those pictures.  They take more time to understand.  Dreaming in this passage is not used in reference to being lazy.

To me this paints a beautiful picture of how the generations can work together.  We do this as families.  Since home groups are like "families" this type of ebb-and-flow, no competition relationship should be the norm.  It takes time to establish but it is so worth the time and effort spent to build relationships that are full of respect, love and life-giving.

In Titus, we see the older women being encouraged to train the younger women in the things they need to learn.  I love this and have been fortunate to have had women (including my own mother)  in my life who  spent time with me, encouraged me, and taught me many life-skills.

Here is an acronym that might be helpful:  F A M I L Y

F- Focus on Father.  Help each person in your group grow in their relationship with God.
 
A-Attend to the people.  Pay attention to and. listen with a heart that desires to understand them.


M-Model meaningful relationship building.(think "Mom/Mothers"--healthy moms look for ways to "nurture" all of those in her family.)  Look for ways to get to know others in the group, outside of the group meeting times.  Find things in common, and do some of those things together. Perhaps someone in the group could teach a particular skill to another/others who would like to learn. 
.  
I-Interact/include participation by everyone.  Proactively look for ways to encourage participation.  Let children be involved in doing things that are suitable for their age.  They will feel involved when given a task that is "theirs." 

L-Lifestyle of love:   Love each other, and live what you believe.  Be real.
 
Y-Young at heart/fresh  Enjoy, laugh, do things together.  Go on outings.  Let kids pick sometimes from a 
 list of acceptable, do-able options  Keep your 'youth renewed' through times of refreshing.


In my next post, I'll share some ideas for how to work with the children during your home group meetings.
(c) Vanetta Stephens